Fostering Positive Social Interactions

 

Whilst genetics and maturity level (internal factors outside of parental control) contribute greatly to a child with ADHD’s emotional sensitivity, reactivity and impulsivity, there are external contributing factors which also influence their ability to regulate their emotions. As identified by Rock & Cox (2012) in their SCARF Model, these include the child’s sense of:

  • status
  • certainty
  • autonomy
  • relatedness
  • fairness.

According to Rock & Cox (2012), SCARF defines the five domains of human social experience that activate strong threats and rewards in the brain, thus influencing a wide range of human behaviours. By understanding these domains parents can: 

  • plan and provide positive, rewarding social situations for their child to participate in
  • identify potential emotional dysregulation triggers ahead of time so they can use strategies to avoid or mitigate any threats
  • implement strategies to reduce their child’s emotional trigger sensitivity so they are less likely to feel threatened
  • teach their child strategies that can (1) help them remain in their zone of regulation when exposed to perceived threats, as well as (2) help their child return to their zone of regulation if triggered, as quickly as possible.

In retrospect, SCARF can also help parents to reflect on a situation that triggered their child, so that they can experiment with strategies to hopefully avoid a future occurrence.

Below we examine each of the SCARF domains before considering strategies which can help strengthen each domain in order to foster positive social interactions.

 

Status

Status refers to one’s sense of importance relative to others and includes the perception of whether you:

  • belong
  • have quality relationships with others.

Status also refers to where you stand in the pecking order in regard to peers, teachers, parents, siblings, community members, etc.

Whilst an increased sense of status can reduce a child’s emotional trigger sensitivity as it generates feelings of stability and wellbeing, a threat to one’s status can increase emotional trigger sensitivity as it induces a fear/stress response and causes physiological pain (Rock, 2009).

Examples of when children feel their status is maintained include when the child feels included and valued, when they know they have a good reputation, and when they receive praise.

Examples of things that children may perceive as a threat to their status include being excluded or rejected by peers, being told off in front of others and being on the receiving end of constant hostility or neglect.


Certainty

Certainty refers to one’s need for clarity, as well as the ability to make accurate predictions about the future. A sense of certainty feels rewarding and safe and therefore can reduce a child’s emotional trigger sensitivity, whilst a sense of uncertainty or ambiguity that arises from not being able to predict the future, can increase emotional trigger sensitivity as it induces a strong threat response (Rock, 2009b).

A child may perceive a sense of certainty when they eat a favourite meal and it always tastes the same, when the rules of a game remain unchanged, and when they know they are loved and approved of even if they make a mistake.

A threatening sense of uncertainty may be perceived by a child when they are in an unfamiliar place or are surrounded by people they do not know, when they do not know the rules of a game others are playing, or when an expectation is not met i.e. a favourite meal tastes different today.

 

Autonomy

Autonomy is the perception that one has choices. Having choices fosters a sense of control over life events and situation outcomes, leading to a reduction in emotion trigger sensitivity. Autonomy is also a rewarding motivator, with intrinsically motivated behaviours (motivation driven by internal rewards) inducing feelings of satisfaction and wellbeing. A threat to autonomy however increases emotional trigger sensitivity as it elicits the stress response. Studies show the more an individual is micromanaged and the more unescapable a situation feels, the more stressed they can feel (Rock, 2009c).

A perception of autonomy is fostered when a child is given a choice between two or more options, is involved in a decision-making process or is given the choice on how they will achieve a desired outcome, and when a child relies on internal motivation/drive to reach a goal rather than an external motivator such as pocket money.

A child may feel threatened by lack of autonomy when they are given directives that do not allow for any flexibility or personal input, or when they feel they are being bribed into doing something they do not want to do.


Relatedness

Relatedness concerns one’s sense of connection, belonging, and security. The need to belong and the desire for interpersonal attachment are fundamental human needs, as well as powerful motivators. When an individual feels their thoughts, emotions and goals are valued and respected, and when they feel connected with others, emotional trigger sensitivity is reduced.

Unfamiliar people, unfamiliar environments, social isolation (i.e. exclusion, bullying) and loneliness can increase emotional trigger sensitivity as they induce a threat response. (Rock, 2009e).

A child may experience feelings of connectedness when spending quality time with their family doing something everyone enjoys, cheering their football team on at a live game due to the sense of belonging with fellow supporters in the crowd, and being invited to join in with a game.

A child may feel a sense of disconnectedness if they are excluded from a social situation (i.e. a party or being picked to be part of a team), or when they are in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by strangers whom they don’t appear to have anything in common with.


Fairness

Fairness refers to social exchanges that are just, and free from bias or discrimination. Fairness can be experienced as safe, whilst unfairness can feel threatening and therefore can reduce emotional trigger sensitivity (Rock, 2009e). 

Situations a child may perceive as being fair include when they receive praise or acknowledgment for their efforts and when someone shares their chocolate bar with everyone.

Situations a child may perceive as being unfair or unjust include witnessing a friend being told off for something they did not do, seeing a competitor who cheated win a competition, and witnessing a child being bullied by other children.

 

Parenting intervention ideas

Although the difficulty children with ADHD often have regulating their emotions is largely due to their genetic make-up and maturity level, as discussed above there are other domains that can influence a child’s ability to self-regulate. Rock (2009) argues that by supporting these domains parents can reduce the risk of their child experiencing a heightened emotional response, assist their child to return to their zone of regulation if they are triggered, as well as foster positive social interactions for their children.  

An additional note: As children with ADHD mature their executive function ability improves and thus does their ability to self-regulate their emotions. However research indicates that many individuals with ADHD will continue to experience difficulty self-regulating their emotions in adulthood. The hope is by (1) assisting children to regulate their emotions whilst young, and (2) teaching them strategies they can use to calm themselves down and self-manage their emotions, they will develop the confidence and ability to better manage this tendency later in life.

 

Ideas to preserve a child’s sense of status include:

  • spending quality one-on-one time with them (including unstructured periods of time in which they are given the opportunity to direct play or be in charge of activities)
  • implementing feel-good strategies which foster self-esteem and self-worth
  • avoiding global criticisms or criticism that promotes shaming (i.e. “you’re useless”, “are you stupid?”, “when will you ever get it right?”)
  • avoiding putting a child down in front of their peers
  • ensuring your tone of voice is calm and matter of fact when speaking to them. (Being spoken to in an angry or hostile tone of voice is threatening)
  • describing problematic behaviour rather than judging or criticising the behaviour. (Judgement and criticism can increase the risk of oppositional defiant disorder therefore it is best to avoid any sense of judgement)
  • protecting trust and the child’s circle of security by ensuring home is always a safe haven
  • using diplomacy and negotiation rather than railroading or battling for an outcome.
  • encouraging a child not to compare themselves to others and to only compete against oneself. (Studies show comparing yourself to others can elicit a stress response)
  • helping them to feel that you believe in them and trust them, and have their back regardless.

 

Ideas to preserve a child’s sense of certainty include:

  • showing unconditional love and support regardless of their behaviour or mistakes
  • taking care of yourself and implementing strategies to reduce your own stress levels and thereby reduce your own emotional trigger sensitivity, so you are better able to respond calmly, rationally and predictably in different situations. This includes when advocating for your child
  • maintaining a structured routine
  • being on time and fulfilling any personal commitments, as well as assisting your child to fulfil their personal commitments (i.e. return permission slips or library books on time, arrive at school on time for pick up)
  • being clear and predictable in regard to expectations and boundaries
  • establishing family rituals which promote a sense of belonging and safety
  • speaking to the child about an upcoming situation, as well as strategies they may use to cope in the situation, so they feel more prepared and supported ahead of the event
  • trying to match the child’s expectation with an upcoming situation.

 

Ideas to preserve a child’s sense of autonomy include:

  • finding ways to allow a child, within reason, to feel that they have some kind of choice, even if it’s minimal. Perception is the key here. Even if you are ultimately controlling the outcome you can still foster an illusion of choice and control (i.e. “Would you like to wear the red sweater or the blue one?”)
  • avoiding ‘my way or the highway’ directives, instead try to be flexible and find middle ground
  • including children in decision making, i.e. brain storm solutions to a problem at a family meeting
  • clearly defining the desired outcome of a task you want completed by the child, as well as any behaviour boundaries, then allowing the child to problem solve and be creative in achieving the outcome
  • teaching them strategies they can use to calm down so they feel more confident they can cope when exposed to threatening situations or have the tools required to return themselves to their zone of regulation if they are triggered (i.e. deep breathing, asking for timeout or personal space).

 

Ideas to preserve a child’s sense of relatedness include:

  • spending time talking and exchanging ideas with them, outwardly showing respect for their ideas, and implementing, if possible, some of their ideas into practice
  • finding things you have in common and enjoying those things together
  • implicitly teaching them the social skills required to interact and communicate successfully with others
  • facilitating friendships and connectedness by helping them find common ground with others
  • fostering acceptance and tolerance towards another person’s feelings, as well as differences in perspective or opinion.

 

Ideas to support a child’s sense of fairness include:

  • making sure they fully understand expectations (rules and routines) or the steps required to achieve a goal
  • ensure these expectations are reasonable and achievable. That is, the child governed by the rules has the capability, resources and know-how required to successfully meet any desired outcomes
  • maintaining consistency by sticking to the set rules as this fosters a feeling of integrity, certainty, predictability and safety
  • praising them when they meet expectations (i.e. “I love it when you use those beautiful manners, thank you”, “you worked so hard to learn your spelling words. Congratulations, your effort really paid off.”)
  • ensuring a child has the chance to express their side of a story so they feel heard and validated, prior to forming any judgement

 

References

Baumeister, R.F. & Leary, M.R. (1995). The need to belong: desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, Vol 117(3), May 1995, 497-529. http://persweb.wabash.edu/facstaff/hortonr/articles%20for%20class/baumeister%20and%20leary.pdf

Rock, D. & Cox, C. (2012). SCARF® in 2012: updating the social neuroscience of collaborating with others. Neuroleadership Journal, 4. https://www.ahri.com.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0015/16143/SCARF-in-2012.pdf

Rock, D. (2009a). Status: A More Accurate Way of Understanding Self-Esteem. Your Brain at Work, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200910/status-more-accurate-way-understanding-self-esteem

Rock, D. (2009b). A Hunger for Certainty: Your brain craves certainty and avoids uncertainty like it’s pain. Your Brain at Work, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200910/hunger-certainty

Rock, D. (2009c). What do halloween, the NY marathon and chocolate have in common? Your Brain at Work, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200911/what-do-halloween-the-ny-marathon-and-chocolate-have-in-common

Rock, D. (2009d). A sense of autonomy is a primary reward or threat for the brain: Why employees (and your kids) sometimes lose the plot. Your Brain at Work, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200911/sense-autonomy-is-primary-reward-or-threat-the-brain

Rock, D. (2009e). Fair Play. Your Brain at Work, Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-brain-work/200911/fair-play

Tabibnia, G., Satpute, A.B., & Lieberman, M.D. (2008). The Sunny Side of Fairness: Preference for Fairness Activates Reward Circuitry (and Disregarding Unfairness Activates Self-Control Circuitry). Psychological Science, 19(4), pp. 339-347. http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/bpl/psci/2008/00000019/00000004/art00007