Developing Social Competence | Thriving with ADHD

 

 Social Competence

 

Adults with ADHD frequently report they have difficulty negotiating social situations and interpersonal relationships, and with maintaining friendships. They also tend to view themselves as being less socially competent, as well as more emotionally sensitive to the social violations of others.

Social competence refers to skills that facilitate interpersonal interactions in the social environment including the expression and control of verbal and nonverbal communication (Friedman, et al., 2003). Social competence is thought to be achieved by developing:

  • social cognition (social thinking)
  • social skills
  • executive control.

 

Social thinking

According to Garcia Winner (2008), ‘social thinking’ is what you DO before you ACT.

Social thinking basically involves:

  • taking the perspective of others by thinking about what other people are thinking and feeling, as well as other relevant information such as their:

    • Thoughts, emotions, motives, intention, thought system
    • Expectations in regard to the words and behaviour of others (which will be influenced by the unwritten social rules)
    • Personality including their beliefs, interests, likes/dislikes
  • comparing it to what you are thinking and feeling
  • using this information to govern your actions in any given social situation.

The development of social awareness and the ability to interpret the intentions of others (the first social skills building blocks) start to develop in neurotypical children from birth, so that by the time they are 5 or 6 years of age they are able to successfully modify their behaviour to meet social expectations.

As these kids mature they continue to hone this ability, whilst also developing the ability to communicate and connect with others (by commenting, questioning and engaging in complex imaginary play). Following this, they develop the ability to critically examine their own opinion whilst remaining flexible enough to consider the opinion of others.

By high school it is expected that these kids will also be able to self-advocate, problem solve and work effectively in a group, and have well established social networks (Garcia Winner, 2011; Giler, 2011).

 

Executive functions and social skills

It is interesting to note that as a child’s executive functions develop, they become more efficient at using the mental processes involved in social thinking. For example, the self-directed action of:

  • regulating attention (enables an individual to pay focused attention in order to accurately receive the verbal and non-verbal messages of others, as well turn their attention inwards so they can observe their own thoughts and feelings)
  • self-inhibition (enables an individual to delay their initial reaction, focus on relevant information and inhibit intrusive internal or external stimuli, so that they can use their problem-solving capacity to weigh up options and choose an appropriate social response)
  • both speech to self and visual imagery recall or verbal and non-verbal working memory (enables an individual to sense the hypothetical future, solve problems, and use this information to direct their words and behaviour in social settings. It also enables them to rehearse responses, self-reflect and self-soothe).

 

Social skills

Social skills is an overarching term that encompasses the large set of tools that individual’s draw on in order to interact and communicate with others. Some examples of these tools include:

  • active listening skills
  • verbal and non-verbal communication skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • assertiveness skills
  • conflict management skills
  • persuasion skills
  • delegation skills.

 

Social competence & ADHD

ADHD can impede kids from developing social competence. For example, due to their executive function challenges kids with ADHD may not:

  • develop social thinking skills innately
  • receive as many social opportunities to practice their skills due to social exclusion or isolation.

These kids then grow up to become adults with ADHD who may still have a:

  • Knowledge and skills deficit. For example, adults with ADHD may lack awareness around the unspoken social rules, struggle to take another’s perspective, fail to recognise and understand emotions (theirs and others), and be inflexible thinkers. They may also have poorly developed verbal and non-verbal communication knowledge and skills. 
  • Performance deficit. For example, executive function challenges may result in adults with ADHD:
    • Failing to pick up non-verbal social clues due to inattentiveness (i.e. facial expression, body gestures, posture) or other’s feelings/emotions (communicated via tone of voice, volume and intensity of speech).
    • Struggling to regulate and inhibit behaviour. As a result, they may unintentionally interrupt or offend others, participate in perseveration (talking about a subject of immense interest to them for a great length of time, without any concern about the reaction of the listener), invade another person’s personal space, etc.
    • Having poorly developed problem solving and flexible thinking skills, which may result in them struggling to see another person’s point-of-view, misinterpreting comments that were intended to be humorous as rude, struggling to negotiate situations or resolve conflict, etc.
    • Being more prone to emotional outbursts (i.e. anger, aggression, over excitement) due to frustration intolerance and emotional regulation difficulties.
    • Having poor self-awareness around personal performance.

 

Social rules

When an individual breaches an unspoken social rule, it is likely to have a negative impact on the way other people view the individual. An example of a hidden social rule that adults with ADHD may struggle with involves “respecting other people’s boundaries.”

An individual’s boundaries are influenced by their personal beliefs about expected and unexpected behaviour, as well as societal norms. For example, individuals may have personal boundaries around:

  • personal space i.e. how much they allow individuals into their personal space (which will vary according to the relationship they have with an individual)
  • topics of conversation i.e. some people don’t like talking about religion, politics, money, health, etc. 
  • the level of personal disclosure i.e. disclosing personal information to someone who is not a very close friend, such as an acquaintance or an evolving friend, is often considered inappropriate. As is asking someone you don’t know very well personal questions. (Note: saying hello to someone everyday does not make them a friend)
  • displays of emotion and emotional outbursts i.e. public displays of affection, explosive anger, over excitement, constant negativity, swearing, etc.
  • what constitutes respect and polite behaviour i.e. manners, punctuality, privacy and confidentiality, division of labour, as well as opinions around who should pay, what items can be shared and how promptly one should return them, lending money, etc.

 

Improving social competence

Adults with ADHD who would like to become more competent socially can work on:

  • developing their understanding of the unspoken social rules and social thinking concepts
  • identifying and implementing strategies to support their executive function challenges (which may include the use of stimulant medication) so they can better regulate their thoughts, words and behaviour when interacting with others
  • practicing their social thinking and social skills during interactions with others. For example, individuals could consciously practice:

    • picking up and interpreting social clues
    • listening with their ears and eyes so that they are able to pick up on both verbal and non-verbal messages
    • taking the perspective of others
    • maintaining social boundaries
    • equally sharing a conversation and staying on topic
    • emotional regulation strategies.

Adults with ADHD who want to improve their social competence, may find the support and guidance they can receive from a psychologist or an ADHD coach very beneficial.  

 

References

Barkley, R.A. (2015). Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment, 4th ed. New York: Guilford Publications. 

Friedman, S.R., Rapport, L.J., Lumley, M., Tzelepis, A., VanVoorhis, A., Stettner, L. & Kakaati, L. (2003). Aspects of social and emotional competence in adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Neuropsychology, 17, 50-8.

Winner, M. (2007). Thinking About You, Thinking About Me: teaching perspective taking and social thinking to persons with social cognitive learning challenges, 2nd Ed. Think Social Publishing: Santa Clara.