Minimising Meltdown

 

Due to difficulties regulating their emotions as discussed here, children with ADHD are more prone to emotional outbursts, having a meltdown or throwing a tantrum.

These emotional responses occur not because children with ADHD are trying to intentionally be defiant, but because they have poorly developed emotional regulation skills due to their neurological differences.

For example, children with ADHD can have difficulty: 

• identifying their emotions or expressing them in appropriate ways
• transitioning from a task they are engaged and absorbed in 
• commencing a task that they find boring or tedious 
• adapting to a change in routine or coping when an expected event does not happen
• focusing and maintaining concentration and as a result they may miss important information. This may cause them to misinterpret a situation and to react to what they think is going on rather than what is really happening.

Therefore, in order to minimise meltdowns and to foster lagging emotional self-regulation skills, it can be helpful to:

• nurture your relationship with your child, as your relationship with them fosters the desire to meet your expectations
• listen with empathy and validate their feelings and experiences whenever they are struggling
• work together to:
  • clearly outline achievable and reasonable expectations that take into consideration their ADHD challenges
  • identify any potential melt-down triggers so you can develop strategies to avoid or mitigate problems
  • develop their social thinking and emotions regulation skills
• remain consistent in your approach and provide prompt feedback as well as praise and rewards for achievements to reinforce positive behaviour
• manage your own emotions and role modelling expected behaviour

Remember ‘the heat of the moment’ is not the time to enforce expectations, remove privileges or to teach skills. As children with ADHD can’t self-regulate their emotions, they often need their parents to help calm them down. Any other approach at this time will often makes things worse.

 

Additional strategies

Additional strategies that parents can use to help minimise meltdowns include:

• reminding yourself that your child’s behaviour is not wilful or personal, that it results from their underlying neurology and lagging skills
• using a framework like Thriving with ADHD 5 C’s to foster a foundation for successful outcomes
• setting realistic rules and expectations
• fostering your child’s sense of status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness as identified by Rock & Cox (2012) in their SCARF Model.
• implementing a calm down box and teaching your child emotional regulation strategies 
• putting in place strategies to take care of you and to recharge your own batteries
• tapping into support groups so you don’t feel alone
• working with an ADHD Parent Coach who can provide you with the guidance, structure and support required to successfully implement a new and more effective way of approaching your role as a parent.

 

Handy hints

Stay calm
Assume positive intent
Don’t take behaviour personally
Avoid reacting and learn to respond calmly
Listen with empathy and without judgement
Don’t dictate – discuss and collaborate
Acknowledge and reward positive behaviour
Be a detective and identify potential problems before they arise
Plan ahead of time how you are going to avoid or manage a potential problem
Practice self-compassion
Put your own oxygen mask on first
Stay committed, this is going to take time

 

 

 

Please note: parenting approach can also have a huge impact on whether children with ADHD develop oppositional and defiant behaviour as discussed here.