“My Child is so …….(grrrrr!)”

 

Yep, kids with ADHD have a knack for pushing all our buttons.

Ever thought?:

 

“My child is just so selfish and self-centred.”

“My child is so rude. He answers back all the time.”

“My child is manipulative and throws tantrums to get his/her own way.”

 

If so, you are not alone. It’s quiet understandable really.

Sadly however, it doesn’t help us or help our child.

So what can? 

One thing I find that really helps me, is donning a detective hat and asking myself:

 

“Why is Jack behaving this way? What is really going on?”

 

By asking myself this question, I move from being reactive into problem solving mode. And as the answer always tends to be because he has poor executive control, I have a change of perspective and calm down. 

For example: Instead of ‘being selfish’ I realise Jack just ‘appears selfish’ because:

• He is once again lost in his own noisy head that he has missed important social clues again
• He hasn’t got the capacity to inhibit his primary response therefore he speaks and acts from instinct and habit
• He has poor forethought, problem solving skills and working memory therefore he can’t remember the need to consider others or the consequences of not doing so. Nor can he use this information to motivate himself to act differently without my help.

From this mindful and more empowering position, I’m less likely to ‘fly off the handle’ and react in a manner that can harm our relationship and his self-esteem. I’m also better able to support his lagging self-regulation skills, and to put strategies in place to help him learn and grow.

 

Do you use this strategy?

If not, do you think trying it might help?

I’d love to hear your thoughts x